When You Realize You Missed The Clue Bus, It Will Be Miles Down The Road

I went to college at Iowa State University. In my first semester there, the fall of 1987, I didn't do so well on my entrance exams so I was forced to take Algebra, Analytical Geometry, and the lower of the two Freshmen English classes (104, as opposed to 105). I think I managed a "B" in all 3.

Before classes actually started, I rushed fraternities and got into Pi Kappa Phi. They had a decrepit house at the time, so I opted to keep my room in the Friley Residence Hall. I can't say the fraternity experience was great. I know that it helped some of my friends make it through college, but for me, I joined for free beer and guaranteed parties. When I found out that the beer wasn't free ($200 fees per semester, where the fuck was that going? It wasn't like I was living or eating in the house. Hell, I even had to buy my own shirts!), I left at the beginning of spring semester, before I had to pay $200 again. But my fraternal experience is a whole 'nother blog that I'll save for later.

I just had to tell you that much so that you know in my English 104 class, there was a girl who sat across from me, who was a plebe, pledge or otherwise associate member in the Sigma Kappa sorority. I sketched her one day in class. I know, pretty embarrassing, but as the end of the semester drew near, finals were approaching, and she asked if I was studying for the Algebra final. I told her I was, and I was sort of stressed out about it. She asked me to come and study over at her room, which was in Willow or Elm, in the Richardson Court area, I can't really remember, in case any of you are tracking this on your ISU campus maps.

So I get there, and I don't remember all of this very well, but we're up on her loft bed (since the rooms are pretty small, most people build lofts, or wooden structures where you'd usually stow your desk or dresser or both underneath to make space) and I've got my book out. I'm doing problems and studying, and she keeps talking to me and she's got pictures of her family, and her boyfriend, who all live in Madison, Wisconsin. She keeps asking me, "Are you really going to study for this test?" I was like, "Yeah, I want to get a good grade." So after about an hour of her jabbering at me, I was starting to stress about the exam, so I said, "I need to go."

Fast forward to 1996. I'm living in Pensacola as a single man in a two-bedroom apartment. I'm taking a shower one morning before work when it hits me.

I think that girl was trying to hit on me.

All during breakfast that morning I'm trying to remember details, and as I'm rolling into the parking lot at work, I've all but decided I'm the most clueless bastard in the world.

Apologies to my wife for this trip down memory lane.