Values, Opinions, Rules...Whatever You Call Them

Everyone has values, or maybe you call them "rules" that you live by. I was thinking about writing a column concerning all the values that my father gave me while I was growing up. I think I basically came up with three, so instead it evolved into this.

After reading some of these, you will probably realize, if you already haven't, that I am truly crazy.

1. Go to school and do your best.

Thanks for this one, Dad. Not sure I did as well as I could the first, oh, four years. The factory jobs I had in the summers pretty much told me if I didn't do my best in college, that's where I'd wind up. This motivated me enough to want to go back to school, but only because it wasn't the factory. After the internship at Speed Queen in Wisconsin, though, I made it to class everyday, and suprisingly enough (duh!) I made some of the best grades ever.

2. Do the tasks nobody wants even if they make you feel uncomfortable.

I've learned a lot by doing this. And I don't mean sucking up.

3. If you do a good job, people will give you more money.

I don't know why I remember this, but I think we were sitting at a traffic light in Germany and my dad pulled out a payslip and showed me this bonus he got. I was impressed. It's not that my dad didn't work hard, or anything, it was more of a situation where he worked for the government, and I thought it must be pretty hard to get bonuses working for the government. This stuck with me, for some reason. Thanks to my dad for this one, too.

4. Get self-actualized (goal based).

When I was in 4th grade, I was sitting there playing with my micronauts or something and I put this together: If I go to grade, middle, and high school and get good grades, this will allow me to go to college. If I do well in college, it will allow me to get a good job. Good job = money, which in turn = food on the table and roof over my head. It's so basic that it's easy to take for granted. Unfortunately, I think this has become the root cause, or basic reason for living to me. Which is a whole 'nother topic worth discussion at another time.

5. Get self-actualized (everything else).

I don't know if other people get epiphanies on a regular basis, but there have been times in my life where an event happens and it totally changes some facet of me. I was never much of a political kid growing up. I was aware of things like racial injustice and that I grew up lower to middle class, but I never really got into the politics of things until probably my late college years. I realized at some point that I was somewhat conservative, even though things I read and listened too and agreed with were somewhat more liberal. And that's all I really have to say about that.

6. Rules of Consumption

This is almost a subset of values on the consumption of food and drink.

1. If someone offers you a free beer, you either accept or decline it. Do not ask "What kind?" Thanks to my dad for this one. This also goes for food. If your friend says, "Hey, I'm ordering pizza, what do you want on it?" Make your suggestion, noting if you are allergic to anything. When your friend orders the pizza from a place you don't like, keep it to yourself, unless you're going in on the pizza, then you have a right to be choosey.

2. I only like three kinds of beer: A) Free; B) Cold; C) Everything else. It's a very easy rule to live with.

3. A margarita is served over crushed ice. If the ingredients of a margarita are placed in a blender (including the ice) this is something different. I offer the title of "Tequila Sundae," inspired by the Urge Overkill song of the same name.

What's that? It's the same thing? Oh, then if you wanted a Coke, and I went out and brought you back a Coke Slurpee, you'd be okay with that, right? How about if you wanted a pizza and I brought you back a Chicago style pizza? What's that? You don't like Chicago style pizza? Why not? It's got the same ingredients: dough, sauce, cheese and toppings.

4. As a guest, never take the last beer, slice of pizza, piece of cheesecake, etc., unless it is offered to you.

7. You can only be a fan of a college football team if you went to said college.

That's right. You heard me. Let's use Michigan as an example. No more, "I've been a Michigan football fan my whole life." That shit stops right now. You can be a Michigan football fan up until the day you are accepted by a college other than Michigan. If you get accepted by Michigan, congratulations, you can be a fan for life. If you end up going to Western Michigan U, then congratulations, you have a brand new team to root for called The Broncos.

What's that, you didn't go to a school with a football team? Man, that sucks. I hope you at least went to a school with a decent basketball team. If you like the game of football, you can pick ANY pro team and root for them.

And if you didn't go to college, you need to peel that Florida State Seminoles sticker off the bumper of your '89 Chevy S10. Unless your kid goes there. If you pay tuition at any school, you can pull for them, as well.

You can pull for any one college team for a limited time, for gambling purposes. This is sort of like the tuition rule.

This is why we have pro sports, people.

The only exception to this rule is if you live in the state of Arkansas. And I can't even tell you why.

8. You can only be a "fan" of one major league sports team in each sport.

As hard as I have tried to like both the Cubs and White Sox, I can't manage to do it. Bye, Cubs. You can like or hate as many other teams, but you can only "support" one team. Insert athletic supporter jokes here.

I'm sure I have more, but I can't think of any, and it's time for coffee #2.

Safety Guy Steps In

Okay, I don't care about this diaper-wearing, space shuttle-flying Nowak person or the wacky situation she's involved with, but I really don't care how the media paints her in this article, particularly this sentence:

Fellow astronauts described Lisa Nowak as smart, hardworking and a good mother, but also selfish and unwilling to perform tasks for which she hadn't trained, according to documents released Tuesday by the state attorney's office.

Is someone selfish for being unwilling to perform tasks for which they aren't trained? Technically, yes, but as a safety guy, I'm okay with that. Especially if the task might be asked of you while you're floating in space. Fuck if I'm going replace a Fetzer valve if I've never seen the thing before. You know what it is, you fix it! I'm not going to end up orbiting the earth forever if I put that thing in backwards.

I didn't really read the rest of the article. After that line, I couldn't care what the opinion was or what was being said. It appears that although she was a safety-conscious, but still CRAZY.

You Can't Control 'Crazy'

There's really no need for me to even talk about the Virginia Tech shootings. Suffice to say that it was a horrible thing that happened, and my condolences go out to anyone who lost a friend or family member in that unnecessary turn of events.

However, what completely baffles me is the search for "why this happened." Does anyone one need to spend time or money to get the answer, other than to maybe satisfy some people who look heavenward and ask "Why did this happen?" If so, ask me, I can tell you why.

That motherfucker was CRAZY.

And that's the only answer you get.

I know. It sucks. We will never know why. I mean, I got some theories. And maybe they're well-thought out, or maybe its just based on his heritage, and the fact that he was an English major instead of an engineer, you know, since Tech is a pretty renowned technical school. So technical they even have it in the name of their university. At first, I thought maybe there might be some issues of honor or some shit. But then I found out his dad was a dry cleaner, which is cool, I mean, all jobs are honorable, but I was thinking maybe his dad was some hot shot engineer and now he's all ashamed of his son for being an English major.

I know, I know, that's pretty stereotypical of me, and it's not right, but this is the primary reason why asking "what happened" will not do you any good. Oh, and all you English majors can just settle the fuck down, because I know that its tough being an English major. EVERY major is tough. And you snickering engineers can go pound sand if you don't think so. I know each and every one of you hose-grabbers is ecstactic you got out of basic college English with a C+.

Then on the way to work on Monday, I'm listening to this guy on Chicago sports radio that used to be a hot dog vendor (also an, um, honorable job, especially if you don't have a high school diploma, which is the case for this individual) asking why the Asian community isn't decrying the actions of this single individual. What? Are you kidding me? You think the Asian community is responsible for moving this kid from Korea when he was 8 so he could shoot up a college campus when he was 23? You need to go back to your old day job.

But apparently, there is some line of thinking about linking this kid to the Asian community out there, as this article states:

Gov. Timothy M. Kaine met with Korean-American leaders to assure them that Virginians do not hold people of Korean descent responsible for the tragedy. Cho was a South Korean immigrant who came to the U.S. at about age 8 and was raised in suburban Washington.

"I can assure you that no one in Virginia -- no one in Virginia -- views the Korean community as culpable in this incident in the least degree," Kaine said.

Jesus! Are you shitting me? Did the Governor of Wisconsin come out and assure all the white people in America that Wisconsinites did not hold all white people accountable for Jeff Dahmer's actions?

It is shocking to me that some people would make this connection. If anything, they should be asking for a statement decrying his actions from the Crazy People of America Foundation.

So far, we got nothing from them.