Saturday, May 13, 2017

In Defense of Cargo Shorts

I am a fashion maven by no means. While I am not a complete slob, and I do have some fashion values, I'm really getting angry at the amount of people who are against Cargo Shorts. I understand that not everyone is supposed to like or even respect everything out there.  Differences of opinion are good (as long as they are truly differences of opinion; you can have your own opinion, you cannot, however, have your own facts). But the problem I have is that the opinions I see are not even valid.  Case in point, I give you Business Insider's "Why No Man Should Wear Cargo Shorts" by Dennis Green.

First of all, I realize articles like this are purely clickbait.  They are likely written to inflame.  But I also realize that there are truly people out here that agree with this opinion.  Maybe you think Cargo Shorts are ugly.  Okay.  You got me there.  But here's where this article fails:

"The first issue: A gentleman does not wear shorts that cover the knees."  Take a look at this photo:

First of all, I can see that guy's knees, so I don't know why someone would say that.  Second, who wears this combo?  NO ONE.  This guy doesn't even look comfortable.  Perhaps he's so buff that his arms always hang out like that, but if you ask me, that jacket seems too small for him.  This whole jacket/Cargo Shorts combo goes against my limited fashion sense as well.  Don't leave the house wearing this.

The second point in this article I want to address is this: "If you think you need those pockets, let me ask you this: Why is a four-pocket pant fine most of the time, but a four-pocket short isn't?"

This assumes that I actually use the two pockets on the back of any pair of pants/shorts that I own.  This topic probably deserves it's own post/article.  There have been many studies done on why keeping a wallet in your back pocket is terrible for your back, especially if you sit on it.  Not to mention security reasons.  I started going to concerts when I was 12, living in Germany.  These were mostly general admission shows with a lot of people.  I was told that I needed to take care of my U.S. Government issued ID at all times, and someone suggested that keeping your wallet in your front pocket was a good way to secure it.  A couple years back, we had a conference in San Francisco and were walking in what I thought was a relatively safe area.  I noticed a co-worker of mine was walking with his hand behind his back, thumb touching his wallet. He is from Houston. Why not just put your wallet in your front pocket?  To me, pockets on the back of any kind of pant are useless, unless it's for a limited amount of carry time.

One final point on pockets - most of the shirts I own have pockets in the front.  These shirts are normally worn during cooler months.  This assists with carrying cell phones and allows my two front pockets to carry my wallet and keys.

Also, Cargo Shorts likely would not exist without the existance of cell phones.  Do you want me to keep my cell phone in my back pocket?  I suppose I could, but every time I go to sit down when I'm out of the house, it will likely be on the table or counter where ever I am sitting.  I had a friend get his phone stolen this way.

And finally, "If you're still looking for places to keep extra items, there's always the possibility of carrying a bag with you. You know, like everyone else does."

I'm glad Dennis mentioned this.  So now I have to worry about carrying a bag instead of having all my stuff in front, where I can reach it? Sometimes when my wife and I go somewhere, even she doesn't want to carry a bag, and let's not get into the whole issue of why women's pants do not have pockets. I have carried her ID, her sunglasses, even a water bottle using my Cargo Shorts. Not often, but they have come in handy. Also?  I don't see any of my male friends carrying a bag.

Really, though, I think it all boils down to form over function.  Cargo Shorts are a great tool, period.  They are a homebrewer's best friend.  I can carry my lighter, a pencil, and many other things so I don't have to make multiple trips to the basement and out to the garage/patio while brewing.  I can carry a small notebook to write down beers I'm tasting instead of checking them in to Untappd when I'm out with friends.  This keeps things more social and less distracting.

I was going to say that anyone who worries about how Cargo Shorts look is dead inside.  But I'm not going to say that. I guess if I saw more articles on why people shouldn't wear pajama pants, slippers or other sleepwear in public pop up in my Facebook feed, I could get over it.  But it's overwhelming the number of people who are ignorant to the function of probably the single most greatest article of clothing ever invented.