"A building full of assholes don't make it holy."
-Deryle Perryman

Thanks to J from Bama over at Alabama Ass Whuppin' for this picture and the quote. I've got J's blog listed to the right in my links section. He writes a good bit about one of my favorite bands, The Drive-By Truckers, and also has about the same views on politics as I do. He's a southerner from the same area of Alabama as the DBT and now lives in the San Francisco area. He's one of the few people I enjoy reading.

Getting Cut

So I went to the urologist today to discuss getting my Vas Deferens cut. We got two kids, and we ain’t getting any younger, so we’ve been talking about doing this ever since we had our second child in Arkansas. I wasn’t too impressed with the doctors in Arkansas, and I just never got around to getting a referral when we lived in Illinois. You may think that this is because I have a fear of getting cut. Actually, no. I have the same problem scheduling a hair cut. I just keep forgetting.

My wife had checked the internet about risks of getting a vasectomy, and I didn’t really think there were any. She said that there was some study relating vasectomies to prostate cancer. I was like, “Huh? That’s bullshit. It’s totally unrelated.” So further research turned out to confirm this.

The Urologist was a young guy. My wife asked about the relationship (seems like she wanted another opinion, although I was okay with our research) between prostate cancer and getting your vas cut, and the Urologist basically said the same thing as I did, except he didn’t use the word bullshit.

He told me there were two ways to do the procedure. He could shoot my scrot up with a local anesthetic and cut me. He said this procedure would take about 5 minutes. Or I could get the anesthetic via IV and get knocked out and I wouldn't remember a thing. He said about 40% of the people who get the procedure done go with the knockout version.

This kind of amazes me. I mean, I don't have a problem letting someone stick me with a needle to get blood, just as long as I don't have to watch it. He told me that I wouldn't see the local when he did the procedure, so I said, let's go with that. It cracks me up that someone would actually have to get knocked out to have this done. These must be people who have gotten kicked in the sac quite a bit in their lives. Pussies.

I know of three of my buddies who have gotten this procedure done. Two got it with the local anesthetic, and one got knocked out. The one who got knocked out watches "American Idol" on TV. That's all I got to say about that.

Now one of my buddies was kind of shocked he didn't get like a valium or something to help him relax. But Gumbo always likes a dose of something every now and then. Although these days it's just alcohol. He said he was in and out in a total of 15 minutes. When he walked out into the waiting room after it was all over, his wife was like, "What's wrong, shouldn't you get back in there?"

He told me to take it easy after I get the procedure done and not to sit for long lengths of time. "When you get up, it feels like somebody punched you in the balls."

I can't wait.

Black Sabbath

For some reason, I've been listening to a lot of Black Sabbath lately. But I find myself focusing more on the albums "Heaven and Hell" and "Mob Rules" with Ronnie James Dio as the singer, as opposed to listening to the classic tunes with Ozzy. Sure, I like "Fairies Wear Boots," "N.I.B," and "Sabbath, Bloody Sabbath" just as much as the next guy. But for me, Sabbath really got more believable when RJD joined up.

Now, rock critics will tell you that Black Sabbath never really meant to be over the top with the whole "devil" image. If you listen to a lot of their songs, there aren't many that are deliberately about the devil, worship of the devil, hell, and such. Especially the Ozzy songs. There's a lot of self-doubt in those Ozzy songs, which, when you look at Ozzy, makes sense.

Dio just seemed to try to move the band more in that direction. I just feel for the most part, the Dio songs are more evil, if you will. And when I'm listening to a band called Black Sabbath, that's what I want to hear; heavy and ominous music.

Sure, you can say that RJD's lyrics were too full of the "Dungeons and Dragons" imagery. Check out his video for Holy Diver. Jesus Fuck, I never knew what that song was about, and the video sure as hell doesn't give me any clues. Just Ronnie running around with a sword bashing people and turning them into rats. Ronnie isn't even that pretty. He probably has the worst heavy metal hair I have ever seen.

But we're talking about Black Sabbath here, not just RJD alone. The combination of Tony Iommi's heavy riffs on those two albums along with RJD's lyrical imagery is nothing short of metal genius. I rather enjoy how the songs "Heaven and Hell" and "Sign of the Southern Cross" are intertwined on the "Live Evil" album. Those two songs alone are worth owning both albums.

Now Dio did have a bit of a decent career after being in Black Sabbath, especially that "Holy Diver" album. I find it funny that metal aficionado Chuck Klosterman didn't have it as one of his all-time favorites in "Fargo Rock City," but what do you expect from a guy who thinks KISS is one of the better metal bands out there? For the record, Chuck did pick some decent albums for some of his all time best, but he totally skirted Black Sabbath in his book. Still, I recommend it. The defense of heavy metal as a genre with a purpose is kind of tiring, but Chuck's writing and personal stories are worthy of the read.

RJD just got back together with Black Sabbath, only Ozzy isn't letting themselves be called Black Sabbath. This is kind of amazing since it's Tony Iommi carried on the band after he axed Ozzy, and there have been something like 3 different singers and since Ozzy left and 12 albums. But I guess it's a mutual agreement, so it appears that RJD and company are going under the moniker, Heaven and Hell.

I can't wait.