Getting Cut

So I went to the urologist today to discuss getting my Vas Deferens cut. We got two kids, and we ain’t getting any younger, so we’ve been talking about doing this ever since we had our second child in Arkansas. I wasn’t too impressed with the doctors in Arkansas, and I just never got around to getting a referral when we lived in Illinois. You may think that this is because I have a fear of getting cut. Actually, no. I have the same problem scheduling a hair cut. I just keep forgetting.

My wife had checked the internet about risks of getting a vasectomy, and I didn’t really think there were any. She said that there was some study relating vasectomies to prostate cancer. I was like, “Huh? That’s bullshit. It’s totally unrelated.” So further research turned out to confirm this.

The Urologist was a young guy. My wife asked about the relationship (seems like she wanted another opinion, although I was okay with our research) between prostate cancer and getting your vas cut, and the Urologist basically said the same thing as I did, except he didn’t use the word bullshit.

He told me there were two ways to do the procedure. He could shoot my scrot up with a local anesthetic and cut me. He said this procedure would take about 5 minutes. Or I could get the anesthetic via IV and get knocked out and I wouldn't remember a thing. He said about 40% of the people who get the procedure done go with the knockout version.

This kind of amazes me. I mean, I don't have a problem letting someone stick me with a needle to get blood, just as long as I don't have to watch it. He told me that I wouldn't see the local when he did the procedure, so I said, let's go with that. It cracks me up that someone would actually have to get knocked out to have this done. These must be people who have gotten kicked in the sac quite a bit in their lives. Pussies.

I know of three of my buddies who have gotten this procedure done. Two got it with the local anesthetic, and one got knocked out. The one who got knocked out watches "American Idol" on TV. That's all I got to say about that.

Now one of my buddies was kind of shocked he didn't get like a valium or something to help him relax. But Gumbo always likes a dose of something every now and then. Although these days it's just alcohol. He said he was in and out in a total of 15 minutes. When he walked out into the waiting room after it was all over, his wife was like, "What's wrong, shouldn't you get back in there?"

He told me to take it easy after I get the procedure done and not to sit for long lengths of time. "When you get up, it feels like somebody punched you in the balls."

I can't wait.